


I Will Follow You Into the Dark

by floating_in_fandoms



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, i am so so sorry okay guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 12:52:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5128307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floating_in_fandoms/pseuds/floating_in_fandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An away mission gone bad and a series of circumstances that end even worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Follow You Into the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> TW- Major character death, and referenced suicide.

_(Love of mine, someday you will die.)_

It was supposed to have been a simple diplomatic mission, but this was the Enterprise, and this was Jim. Which of course meant that their ‘simple diplomatic mission’ had quickly developed into an all-out phaser fight.

Spock was crouched behind a convenient boulder, firing as he needed to. He risked a glance at Jim, who was tucked under a sheltering overhang of rock that did little to protect him from phaser fire. Quickly, Spock realized that he was not faring so well. Jim had obviously suffered at least one bruised or broken rib and probably sprained or broken his wrist. Several of the hostiles had focused their fire on him, and Jim was only barely keeping himself upright, not to mention away from the phaser beams.

_(But I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark.)_

Spock dashed from his place behind the rocks, phaser firing, and hurried to Jim's side. He grabbed Jim around the waist and held him up as best he could with one arm. 

"Jim. Comm the Enterprise." He said, twisting them both away from a shot.

After several too-long moments, Jim managed to wrestle his communicator open and gasped the command to the Enterprise. Spock gripped Jim's arm firmly as they were transported to the ship.

With a subtle gasp of relief, Jim collapsed to the ground, sagging against Spock's leg. Wordlessly, Spock knelt and picked him up; carried him to Medbay.

_(No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white. Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for a hint of a spark.)_

By the time Spock deposited Jim into a biobed, his arms were covered in the other's blood. He wasn't entirely sure what wound the blood was coming from.

Doctor McCoy ran over, tricorder out and scanning Jim as he cursed wildly. Spock stood by, silently out of the way as the Doctor called over some of the other Medical personnel and they began cleaning and treating the Captain's wounds.

From what Spock could gather, Jim had sustained considerable damage to his wrist, a bruised lung, two broken ribs, a dangerous concussion, and a broken metatarsal. His eyebrows rose as he realized how severe Jim's condition was.

In something of a daze, Spock allowed a nurse use a dermal regenerator on the various lacerations on his body, but shook off other attempts to clean or heal him.

Finally, the doctors and nurses left them, leaving Spock alone with Jim. Spock sat down in the chair next to the biobed, and after a moment of deliberation, picked up Jim's hand. For the next several hours, Spock sat there, holding Jim's hand in his, until he finally dropped off into a restless sleep, still coated in blood and dirt.

_(If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs.)_

Spock was jerked awake by an alarm going off loudly on Jim's bed. He dropped Jim's hand, realizing with a start how cold he was. An instant later, Nurse Chapel ran over to them, quickly assessing Jim's state. With a curse falling from her lips, she called for Doctor McCoy. 

Jim's heart had stopped, and the doctor started the familiar actions quickly. Spock hovered as close as he was allowed, while Christine looked on with a faint look of horror.

After nearly five minutes of fighting for Jim's heart to start again, the doctor looked up, his face pale. He shook his head, and Spock felt his throat and chest seize violently. Christine gasped, and Doctor McCoy looked sick.

"Time of death, 0103." Doctor McCoy muttered, turning and marching to his office, where Spock watched, stunned, as he pulled out a bottle of whiskey and downed half of it in one pull. For once, Spock could find no fault in the action.

_(If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark.)_

Spock spent the next several days caught in a detached state. He, as first officer, was the one who had to inform the crew of the Captain's passing, who had to attend the Starfleet meetings, and be the Acting Captain. 

Everything he did or saw or tasted or smelled or thought reminded him of Jim, yet everything seemed grey. Food, when he remembered to eat, tasted ashy; his new command gold uniform seemed dull and unconvincing. He couldn't shake the heavy feeling of guilt, and although everyone who he had talked to assured him that Jim's death was not his fault, Spock without a doubt knew that it was.

He could have- should have- saved him.

He could have done something.

It was his fault.

Jim would never forgive him

Jim.

_(I will follow you into the dark.)_

When a patient, years later, on the starbase he works at now, tells Leonard McCoy that Vulcans don't feel emotion, he doesn't even think twice before he socks him in the face.

Later, when a nurse asks him why he did it, he thinks of the day that he found Spock lying limp in his bed in a puddle of green blood, wrists slit neatly, with a note lying next to him, reading simply, 'I apologize.' He remembers the grief etched into Sarek's face at Spock's funeral. He remembers each and every smile or smirk or eyebrow raise he has ever seen Spock give. He remembers how tight Spock had clutched Jim's hand, that last dreadful night.

And he tells them solemnly, "Vulcans feel more strongly and more deeply than any other beings I have ever met."

And he walks away.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr at deadnotsleepng


End file.
